Thursday, 14 February 2013

Day 7 - Creating music to get Validation from others

(continuing with the sharing of my Mind-Construct assignment for the Structural Resonance Alignment Course provided by Desteni)


Self Forgiveness on Judgment, Good/not Good Enough, Appreciation and Pleasing others


I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to make things hard for myself when writing/composing songs – wherein I try make things harder/more complex so that somehow it turns out to be “better”

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined more defined “complex” as “better” – and within it try to make my songs more complex so that they become better

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to define some of my songs as “not good enough” instead of realizing that such definition is relative to many factors – thus, it is not an absolute and unchangeable fact.

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my songs and “not good enough” and within it, through association, judge myself as “not good enough” – as if something is not right, as if something is missing.

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate/control/limit my expression through following certain pre-established rules.

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to write songs based on what I think people will think and within it ending up compromising my real self expression – because I will not be expressing myself in fact = rather, I will be expressing what I believe other people will enjoy.

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to try and make the songs in a clever/intelligent way within the hope/desire that people may see me also as clever/intelligent.

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I sing out of tune.

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am not a good enough singer if I cannot even sing in tune, and within it be sad and upset with myself for trying to do something which I cannot be consistent on.

I forgive myself I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am not a machine and therefore I will not be able to always sing as I would like to.

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about myself when I cannot sing what I hear in my head and within it judge myself as inferior and incapable of doing this job correctly.

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and feel inferior/not good enough when I am unable to perform like “a star”.

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I listen back to some things that I recorded and within it have the idea that I am not good enough.

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a singer should sing a certain way and thus feel bad about myself when I am unable to perform according to that belief and thus, within it, create the idea about myself as not good enough.

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to have a belief and judgment about myself when I listen back to my recordings and have the idea that “they are not good enough” and within it feel bad about myself/my expression because “I am not good enough” as “proven by the recordings.

Self Corrective Statements on Judgment, Good/not Good Enough, Appreciation and Pleasing others

When and as I see myself making things hard for myself through complicating what I play on the guitar based on the belief/idea that if I make it more complex it will be better – I stop. I breathe. Within it I ask myself “what do I want to say? What is the song asking for?” and according to that I will create.

When and as I see myself trying to force the whole song to rhyme just for the sake of “staying true” to a structured way of writing song – I stop. I breathe. Within it I realize that I am using myself to express myself, and sometimes the rhyme is absolutely unnecessary and useless – therefore, I always consider what do I want to say – and sometimes it will be impossible to rhyme, and that is fine!

When and as I see myself judging myself because I “feel like” I am not singing well enough, like a singer should, and within it feel bad about myself and embarrassed – I stop. I breathe. Within it I realize that I am not a machine, I was not made to sing – I have developed myself to be able to sing, and sometimes I am just not ready to sing certain things a certain way and some things I will never be able to do simply because my physiology does not allow it.

When and as I see feeling like “I am not good enough” as a singer/performed and within it feel bad about myself and feel inferior/less and feel like I should be doing something else – I stop. I breathe. Within it I realize that what I have to express/say is beyond what I feel/think about myself – thus I will keep pushing, I will keep on developing myself and I will let the listeners decide if they enjoy it or not = some do, some do not – it has always been like that!
When and as I see myself thinking about if others will like/enjoy my songs and within it create doubt about what I am doing – I stop. I breathe. Within it I realize that me on stage performing it is not about what others think – IT IS ABOUT MY MUSIC AND MY EXPRESSION/PERFORMANCE – and that will determine if people will listen/appreciate my music/performance or not.
When and as I see myself making my music about what I believe others think – I stop. I breathe. Within it I realize that I am missing the point completely: I MAKE MUSIC FOR MYSELF! I make music because I ENJOY MYSELF! I make music and I go on stage because I ENJOY DOING IT! I make music as a way of EXPRESSING MYSELF --- there is no other reason and I will not allow anything else to determine my musical expression.


More to come...

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